Friendship that Makes a Happier You

The following video transcript has been lightly edited

A recent study suggests that 60 percent of our happiness is made up by the quality of our friendships. I think we all know this, that the value of a good friend is immeasurable. It's priceless. And so today I want to give you three ways to help you have healthy friendship so that you can be a happier you.

The three ideas that we're going to talk about is first, you want to make useless friends. Second, you want to be a good volley partner. And third, you want to be intentional about being known and knowing your friend.

In John 15, John writes and tells us about a conversation that Jesus has with the disciples. And in it, Jesus highlights three different things. He says, Hey, I chose you as my friends. And he then says to them, Hey, I want you to love one another as I have loved you. And then finally, he says, the reason I call you friends and not servant or slave is because you know what the father is about because I've told you and you know what I'm about because I've told you.

You want to make useless friends. Jesus was really good at this. If you think about the cast of characters that Jesus called his disciples, and then from there, even the outer rings of people that would have considered Jesus their friend, they were a useless group. And by useless, what I mean is, they had no ability to offer social status. And in fact, most the time, the people who had authority or social status to offer, Jesus would challenge them. But the fishermen, the tax collectors, those who are known to party a little bit too hard, those were Jesus friends. And what made them good friends is that the end was friendship itself. And that's the lesson for us.

We want useless friends. Useless friends meaning friends where the end is friendship. They're not deal friends. They, they don't have anything to offer us. We can't gain anything by being friends with them. But they're people who we enjoy their company. We love being with them. They are willing to show up in the hard times. They're willing to show up in the good times. And so life is richer when we are together.

Now, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, the number of these useless friends that you'll need is a little bit different. If you are an introvert, what studies say is that two to three useless friends is really helpful for you.

While you introverts, extroverts out there, like me, you might want ten of these friends. But either way, you need to be intentional about building those friendships.

And that brings us to our second part. Being a good volley partner. Jesus said to the disciples he wanted them to love one another in the way that he has loved them.

Now, of course, John is foreshadowing that Jesus is going to die on their behalf. But in the conversation, Jesus is not yet dead, and so he's saying, Hey, think about the way that I have loved you. Think about the way we have been together. And I want you to love one another in that same way. Well, turns out, to love one another well, we need to be good volley partners.

I want you to think about tennis for a moment. And imagine yourself on a court, and you're hitting the ball back and forth. And as you do that, if you are trying to keep a good volley going, trying to set a record for the number of times you can hit it back and forth over the net, you have to be purposeful and intentional.

You have to hit it in a way that your partner can return the serve. Now, for all of us, some of the places our relationships fall apart is when we fail to be good volley partners. How does this happen? Well, sometimes we aren't paying attention. And so, our friend will serve something, whether it's a, Hey, do you want to go grab a beer or it's, Hey, I'm going through this hard time.

And because of our distraction, because of our own emotional unhealth, whatever it is, the busyness, we can't return the volley back. Other times we're frustrated or upset or distracted, but in these moments when we fail to be a good volley partner, our friendship will suffer. And so we want to be very intentional about trying to keep that volley going back and forth.

Lastly, Jesus says that he doesn't call the disciples servants, he calls them friends. Why? Because he knows them and they know him. And this is the most important part of real friendship, opposed to companionship or deal friendship. Real friendship knows one another and makes themselves known. They make known their hopes, their dreams, their struggles, their challenges.

And then, in return, they also listen and they hear those things. And so if you want great useless friendships. What you want to do is you want to be a good volley partner, and you want to commit to being known and knowing your friend.

Now in our world, a challenge that sits out is time. By the time you work, by the time you are with your family, you will not have, and by the time you sleep, you will not have a lot of time left.

And so this is something that you really want to be intentional about. And as a family, embrace it as a value. Help one another get that time with these close friends so that they can thrive and be happier and you all can be happier together. Remember, friendship is so important and it's so meaningful to the happiness in your life.

So go out there, make great, useless friends, be a good volley partner and commit to knowing and being known. I hope you have a great week. I'll see you soon.